Wednesday, May 26
Overcoming Your Fears:
I've learned a few things over the years about flying, and I'm sure we all think we could write the book on the guerilla tactics of travel. Mine are very simple:
1. Get suicidal. This one is easy for most of us, and it's by far the best way to overcome any fears of flying you might have. My big breakthrough came on a particularly turbulent flight from DFW to Dayton, Ohio on something called a Fokker 100, which I later discovered was made by the Dutch. I love the Dutch, and going to Amsterdam is one of my favorite things to do. But last I checked, the main attraction of Holland is not compatible with precision craftsmanship and highly disciplined record keeping. But anyway, I was so depressed on that particular trip that instead of fearing my almost-certain death, I yelled (silently, of course) to my God, "Go ahead and take me you bastard. What difference does it make? They'd all be better off without me anyway." After that, I wasn't afraid to fly, because I wasn't afraid to die.
2. Don't get your hopes up. Let's face it. We all know that the way the world really works is that when you least need the headache, the time delay, the stress, or the intestinal upset, the more likely it is to happen. So simply expect your bags to be lost, expect there to be long flight delays, expect surly service and screaming babies. And definitely expect everyone to jump up the minute the fasten-seat-belt sign goes off even though the doors won't open for another 15 minutes and there's absolutely nothing they can do except bash into each other as they struggle to get their oversized bags down from the overhead and pull out the handle because they're too weak to carry their bag 10 feet to the door.
3. Drugs. If there is ever a place for mind-altering substances, it's while hurtling through thin air at 600 miles-per-hour in a vehicle that weighs fuel by the ton. Better to contemplate how something this big and this heavy could possible fly, while enjoying the brighter colors and better music of a hallucination. If you anticipate taking pharmaceuticals of any type, may I suggest a window seat?
The air-travel one really sealed the deal. Here are Gene Gable's writings for creativepro.com--matchbook design, the history of the smiley face, laws about counterfeiting--entertaining stuff.
I've learned a few things over the years about flying, and I'm sure we all think we could write the book on the guerilla tactics of travel. Mine are very simple:
1. Get suicidal. This one is easy for most of us, and it's by far the best way to overcome any fears of flying you might have. My big breakthrough came on a particularly turbulent flight from DFW to Dayton, Ohio on something called a Fokker 100, which I later discovered was made by the Dutch. I love the Dutch, and going to Amsterdam is one of my favorite things to do. But last I checked, the main attraction of Holland is not compatible with precision craftsmanship and highly disciplined record keeping. But anyway, I was so depressed on that particular trip that instead of fearing my almost-certain death, I yelled (silently, of course) to my God, "Go ahead and take me you bastard. What difference does it make? They'd all be better off without me anyway." After that, I wasn't afraid to fly, because I wasn't afraid to die.
2. Don't get your hopes up. Let's face it. We all know that the way the world really works is that when you least need the headache, the time delay, the stress, or the intestinal upset, the more likely it is to happen. So simply expect your bags to be lost, expect there to be long flight delays, expect surly service and screaming babies. And definitely expect everyone to jump up the minute the fasten-seat-belt sign goes off even though the doors won't open for another 15 minutes and there's absolutely nothing they can do except bash into each other as they struggle to get their oversized bags down from the overhead and pull out the handle because they're too weak to carry their bag 10 feet to the door.
3. Drugs. If there is ever a place for mind-altering substances, it's while hurtling through thin air at 600 miles-per-hour in a vehicle that weighs fuel by the ton. Better to contemplate how something this big and this heavy could possible fly, while enjoying the brighter colors and better music of a hallucination. If you anticipate taking pharmaceuticals of any type, may I suggest a window seat?
The air-travel one really sealed the deal. Here are Gene Gable's writings for creativepro.com--matchbook design, the history of the smiley face, laws about counterfeiting--entertaining stuff.
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the gods were listening. just moments ago i was fretting about flying overseas [hell, flying anywhere] because, after many mornings of listening to NPR in a dream-drenched stupor, i have become incredibly paranoid and afraid of terrorism and suicide bombings and death and such and such.
but now, here is this lovely list. i am sure to memorise these points of comfort until i've finally convinced myself that flying will be okay.
thanks joe!
-mimi.
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but now, here is this lovely list. i am sure to memorise these points of comfort until i've finally convinced myself that flying will be okay.
thanks joe!
-mimi.
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